The Chokeology of Greg Norman: Year by Year

1984

The First of a Career Filled with Chokes

US Open: Winged Foot:

Needs a par on 18 to tie Fuzzy Zoeller mails 4 iron into bleachers..... God smiles on the poor Aussie bloke..... hand of God guides in the resulting 35 foot snake for a par.... saving the real full nelson choke job for Monday.... shooting a 79 in playoff..... Fuzz waved the white towel on Sunday afternoon....On Monday, Norman gagged on it.

on to the next choke

1986

Gregory John Norman Pulls Off the Choke Year of all Choke Years...

Executing the Saturday Slam.... He leads all 4 majors teeing off on Sunday morning.... Wins only 1....
A rout at Turnberry with a lead even too big for the Great Choking Carp himself. That's a swift .250 average that year for closing out Majors...

You'll recall the 1986 Masters that year...

the first year in which Greg Brady Norman started hacking up Green lint fuzzballs in pursuit of Golf's most coveted Major.... stalking the Golden Bear... Greg block bails another 4 iron right into bogeyville.... the Bear puts his paws on a record 6th Jacket.

86 US Open..... Shinnecock Hills...

What should be renamed Shinnechoke Hills for Greg... leads on Saturday..... only to watch Ray Floyd stuff his 35 inch zebra mallet right down the Shark's Gullet

Also, this event begins Norman's long history of hypersensitive rabbit ears.... challenging a fan to a fistfight in the parking lot.... too bad the fan didn't take him up on the offer.

86 PGA at Inverness .....

The legendary Bob Tway keelhauls the shark with his now famous bunker blast at 18 .... everyone wants to say pity poor Greg.... nobody remembers he leaked away a big lead that Sunday like a 1979 AMC Pacer leaks oil.

on to the next choke

1987

Mize at the Masters.....

Larry Mize holes out to barbie the Shark in front of us all. This is the lu-lu of all the Shark's chokes.

on to the next choke

1989

British Open at Troon....

Our intrepid blond haired helicopter pilot fails to stare down the legends of Mark Calcavecchia and Wayne Grady in a playoff... on 18.. Norman bombs a drive into a pot bunker thought to be "out of reach" for mere mortals... again... pity poor bad karma Greg.... hey shark boy.... if your brain wasn't made of rotted persimmon, then maybe 3 wood was the play.... Calc smokes a 5 iron to 7 feet to close out Norman and Grady in style..... fish and chips the post round meal in the clubhouse....

on to the next choke

1991

Kemper Open - TPC Avenel

Prince Greg graces this God forsaken layout for 1st time since it opened in 1987.. the same year Greg took a quadruple bogey 7 on the par 3 ninth... and then squeeled his way to the airport en route to a Saturday morning blast off out of town Tied for second at -17 on Sunday morning... Norman slaps it around for a 71 on a day in which 21 of the top 30 finishers broke 70.... Billy Andrade sets the tournament scoring record with a 263 total that leaves the Great Greedy Whale a distant 4th.

on to the next choke

ONE MONTH LATER...

Cog Hill the site... perhaps the shark's most epic belly up performance

Leading lefthander Russ Cochran by 5 strokes with 8 holes to play... Greg the Gallant starts spraying shots like the Bulls spray champagne after another championship... when it was all said and done... Norman hands the legendary Cochran... who nearly lost his tour card in 1989 ... his first career win.

ONE YEAR LATER...

Same course.. same meltdown.... Greg "The Flounder" Norman leads Ben Crenshaw heading into the traditional Sunday afternoon crash and burn for Sir Greg.... sure enough.... a final round wheezing 72..... lets Gentle Ben card a tidy 69 to win by a stroke.... tournament organizers decide to erect a monument to Norman in the parking lot.... a bronzed replica of Norman with 5 iron necktie cutting off oxygen to his eyelids.

on to the next choke

1993

Was a vintage year for Norman chokes....

PGA Championship... Inverness CC in Ohio...... with Bob Tway's heroic blast of 86 leaving sand in Greg's Georgeous blonde locks..... Norman again gets dry lock under pressure.... head to head with Paul Azinger... Norman misses identical putts on 18 to win.... finally yip-stabbing a comeback 3 footer for par to give Zinger the Wannamaker.... again.. the Norman apologists wail their traditional wail.... like a bunch of weeping hens at a Woody Allen movie.... ohhhh... Norman was robbed... look at those putts that lipped out... ohhhh.... hey.... a miss is a miss.... the hole is 4.5 inches wide and ball is 1.68 inches in diameter.... make the putt and shut up!!!!!!

93 PGA Tour Championship another classic....

Coming to 18 at Olympic needing a mere PAR to ensure a playoff with Jim Gallagher... Norman the Nimrod misses the green with a nine iron the only place you can't afford to miss it.... long and right..... Greg bags a bogey... and Gallagher cashes the winner's check..... nice course management Bait Bucket.... who do you consult for club selection.... Dionne Warwick???

on to the next choke

1995.....

Greg's Gagging Ways are again in high Gear..... Final Round at Doral...... Norman comes up to 18 needing a par to cinch the title.... instead pull yanks the worst wounded duck approach into the lake on the left side... it almost came to rest on the floating scoreboard... the last time something nose dived so quickly into the Florida marsh..... the stewardesses were just starting cocktail and peanut service..

June of 95....

Back to Shinnechoke.... Norman in search of US Open blood.... comes to the payoff holes tied for the lead...... will Greg finally win his major on this side of the pond... will Greg finally get his day in the sun..... please.... you could sooner expect Rosie O'Donnell to have just one serving of fettucini alfredo at the Mirage buffet.... predictably ....Norman fades... while a player with some real guts... Corey Pavin wraps up his first major.

on to the next choke

That brings us to 1996....

the Taj Mahal of All Time Golf Chokes.... the piece de resistance for the Great White Smelt.... the utter spectacle of a man trying to slash his own throat with a spoon in front of millions of golf viewers worldwide.... Give Norman 2 mulligans a side on that Sunday at Augusta National... and I still take Faldo with a comfortable 2 shot margin...... the Shark has never been gutted so cleanly on a major stage.... his sloppy fish guts left to dry on the wooden planks of Butler cabin veranda.

on to the next choke

1997

Failed to yield any great chokes from Sir Gasp A Lot..... no doubt the school of remora that still suck up to Norman will point to his finish in June at Memphis for a rebuttal.... but a quick fact check shows he's 0-2 in making to Saturday this year in the ones that count.... playing so poorly in all 4 rounds... he couldn't break a cool ranch Dorito with a sledgehammer.....

In addition..... 1997 saw Greg the Political Jock Sniffer continue his courtship of Our Country's First Sandbagger... slick Willie.... who knows why a millionaire is so infatuated by a backwater bubba from the state that leads the nation in illiteracy.... and dads who date their daughters.....

Norman's usual classless act...... adds a new chapter at the Kemper... when he publicly berates a volunteer starter for daring to make light of slick Willie's midnight tumble at Casa De Norman... hey... memo to Greg... this is America...pal... we can make jokes about our elected officials without fear of a 15 year paid vacation to the rock pile... put the SS arm band back in your overstuffed Cobra bag.... and get a sense of humor.

If choking were Greg's worst sin... even I could forgive him... but it's the Fish Fillet's untamed arrogance that makes me revel in his continued chokeology.... it's not enough for Greg to be a good player... he has to own the biggest jets.... design his own apparel..... start his own World Tour....

You feel bad for a guy who has had Larry Mize, Bob Tway, David Frost, and Robert Gamez hole out on his head.... hey... I feel bad for a guy like David Graham.... who had to publicly pull the O.J. issue combat knife out of his back last year when Norman tried to oust the Captain of the International Team at the President's Cup...

You want one last Fish Stick stat to chew on..... here are some career playoff numbers for guys you might have heard of on the PGA TOUR....

Nicklaus 13-10
Palmer 14-10
Watson 8-4
Greg the Giant Sea Guppy..... 3-7

Let me tell you one thing you need to know... Norman's career Major's are like his list of good friends on Tour.... you can count them on one hand... and neither are in America.