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One of my all time favorite Holes story to tell is about
a time we were playing down in Kent. The basement of JB's. I
think it was cleverly called JB's Down. The stage was built
of plywood, and there was about a 2 foot clearance underneath.
A few bed sheets along the backside hung about 5 feet out from
the backwall. The space that existed there was 'the band room'.
Just as we went on to play, I squatted atop a nearly empty pitcher
of beer and shit and pissed into it. There wasn't much.....just
a quick runny turd. Les had already pushed through the sheets
and made his stage appearance. He was babbling into the microphone
about something or another. I pulled up my pants, grabbed the
pitcher of disgust, and joined him on stage. I placed it near
his feet, without him noticing, and we proceeded to play. Much
to my sadness, he kicked it over during the first song without
ever realizing what was in it. I was hoping he would have put
it to his lips. There the pitcher layed, dripping down between
some cracks in the stage. But then it all worked out. As we
played our last song, Les went into the crowd, then climbed
underneath the front of the stage through the small crawl space.
He soaked up into his clothing everything that pitcher had spilled.
As the rest of us left the stage through the back and joined
him behind the sheets, he kept asking,"hey, do i smell like
shit? hey Bobby, do i smell like shit?". It was a few days before
I would tell him the reason. (Cheese Borger) |
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I
Have about five funny cop stories.
This was the first. It was a St. Paddys day and I had spent
it with Tom Fallon and Dave Atkins at Otto Mosers. After reveling
there throughout the daylight hours, Dave drove us down to Kent
where we were going to catch the Wombats play. We parked near
the club and sat in the car finishing up some beers. I got out
to take a piss and wandered down some alley. The alley ran next
to a three story factory building and while I walked deeper
into the alley, some fire escape metal ladders caught my eye.
I climbed them to the top of the factory with the brilliant
drunken idea of pissing off the top down upon Daves car. I thought
that would crack them guys up. But as I stood upon the edge
of the rooftop, a beat cop looked up and saw me. I tried to
hide but he came up with a shotgun and then hauled me in. Those
guys made it to the show and did call the jail from there, but
it was 75 bucks to get me out and they didn't have it. I told
them I would just sleep there and Dave promised he would pick
me up the next morning with the money (which he did....great
guy!). A few hours later, as I laid in the cells bed, an officer
came to the bars. "Got a message for you" he said. I figured
someone had sprang me. He handed me the note and all it said
was "don't forget that Pink Holes practice is at 7 tomorrow".
Les had found out I was in there and he had actually called
the jail and told them that. Just as unbelievable to me was
that the cops would actually deliver the message. I can't remember
if we practiced or not.
(Cheese Borger) |
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There
was the Pink Holes gig where Cheese Borger paused to eat a dozen
whole, raw eggs on stage. Cheese started picking eggs out of
the carton and popping them into his mouth and crunching on
the shells, bits of shell and egg slime running out his mouth
and down his neck. After about four or five, Cheese stopped
swallowing them and filled his maw with about six or seven crunched-up
eggs. I guessed what would happen next and backed away. Sure
enough, Cheese spewed the giant mouthful of egg detritus on
the crowd. It looked exactly like he vomited. I was thoroughly
nauseated. (Jim Krane) |
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One
of my favorite Pink Hole memories (other than Mary Ellen Rottencrotch):
The Pink Holes were playing at the old Cleveland Underground
in the Flats. Me and my brother went down with a couple friends.
Of course we were drinking on the way down and in the parking
lot. So by the time we went in we were pretty "juiced."
I think Mr. Chris and the Tar Babies played first. So after
Mr. Chris played we went back out to the car to wait for the
next band and have few more drinks. When were going back in
the cop at the door stopped my brother whom he noticed was trying
to sneak in a can of beer. My brother got kicked out for the
rest of the evening. So me and my brother were out by the car.
I told him "wait 'til the cop is gone and then go back
in". Sure enough the cop left and we walked right in without
a hitch. Just in time for the Pink Holes. During the first few
Holes songs my brother threw a half full can of beer (which
he'd probably snuck in) at the band that hit Lester right in
the fore head with stinging accuracy. I'm sure Les had a welt
the next day! Now pissed off, Les cut loose at the crowd: "YOU
GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKIN' ASSHOLES!!? and my favorite "CLEVELAND'S
NOTHING BUT A BIG LIT UP DICK!!" I still use that one.
Which prompted the audience to throw more cans. The beer can
shower continued the rest of the show. With Holes retaliating
periodically. By the end of the set there was a steady flow
of cans towards and from the stage. After their last song the
Holes came back out with a couple trays full of cans and bombed
the audience with one last assault. The funny thing is my brother
started the whole thing, and he shouldn't have even been in
there.
(Scott Stemple) |
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Another cop story My mom used to make great Halloween costumes
when we were growing up. One that she had sewn up was a pair
of black and white striped prisoner outfits, complete with a
number across the chest. I used to wear one of the shirts a
lot when we played out. And so it was the night that this happened.
We were to play the Lakefront and Les and me, along with Tim
Shaw and Larry Lewis, pulled up alongside the club to unload
equipment. We were all drinking beers and as we started to haul
the gear in we all set our beers on top of the car. Two plainclothes
police pulled up in an unmarked car and arrested the four of
us for open containers. They took us downtown to be booked.
When they got to me, there was quite a chuckle in the processing
area......the cops kept bringing over more cops saying, "look
at this guy, he came dressed for the occasion". The law does
have a sense of humor!
(Cheese Borger) |
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The turd story goes like this;
Me and Bobo Sablack and Bill Degidio were watching "American
Werewolf in London" at Bills house one night. Also watching
was Bills daughter Alicia who was about 5 or 6 and his son Kurt,
who had to be about 3. He was just learning to talk. Anyway,
Bills wife Barb got up to go to the kitchen for something when
all of the sudden she let out this scream. "Oh my god, is that
a turd?" she yelled. We all looked. Lying next to the pajama
leg of Kurts 1 piece batman PJs was, indeed, a little turd.
Apparently it rolled down his leg and was sitting next to him
for the entire movie. "Oh my god" Barb yelled. As she got a
paper towel to pick it up and throw it away, Kurt started screaming
himself. "Noooo" he cried. "It's latching TV". He said L's instead
of W's. I guess his little turd buddy wanted to see how the
movie ended. We all laughed till we cried. Shortly after that,
when it came time to pick names, I was originally going to go
with Leo Tard, after WMMS' Kid Leo, but the Tard turned into
Turd and we had to give credit where credit was due, and Kurt
Turd was born. Bye Bye (Bob Richey) |
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I
was sitting in the Lincoln Park
Pub. I turned my head and saw Cheese Borger and the singer.
It was "something".
(NOrbERT) |
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When
I first left Clevo for the country married life, the bands in
the underground scene were Hammer Damage, Lucky Pierre, Devo,
Dead Boys, Chi Pig, etc. When I returned from my failed stint
at the country life marriage, the bands now were Faith Academy,
the Plague, Starvation Army and the Pink Holes. Some of my old
friends from the 'burbs had never made the transition from classic
rock to cool music, so I took it upon myself to enlighten them.
I didn't want to scare them or blow their eardrums to holy hell,
so I settled upon the Pink Holes to blow their punk rock cherries.
We showed up hammered as the Holes were preparing themselves
to take the stage. Thinking I could impress my old buds, I took
them backstage to meet the Holes. There was Les and Cheese,
with broken beer bottles, cutting their arms and chests into
bloody road maps. Meanwhile, Kurt Turd hunched over in the near
corner, insanely laughed. My mission of enlightenment was over
even before the Holes had taken stage. My friends hightailed
it back to Parma and it would be years before we hung out again.
Personally, the Holes blew me away...pure punk rock. It takes
true dedication to the arts to turn yourself into chopped liver
for a crowd of about thirty. They were the real deal, I never
missed a Holes show after that (not counting their out of town
gigs). On a lighter note, that night during the Holes set, there
was a power failure. During the black out, I seized the oppurtunity
to grab Joyce's hot friend, Sherri, and plant a big kiss on
her. She responded nicely, thinking I was someone else. When
the lights came back on, she freaked. Some people say if you
are standing on W.25th late at night, you can still hear her
scream.
(Floyd) |
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'member that one time when i was
in your band.... and you guys kicked me out.... that was awsome.
(Bob Sablack) |
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Aaah, The Pink Holes, I'll always hold the memories of
going to see the Pink Holes perform dear to my heart. Les unable
to sing the songs or mummble through them, Cheese's stage antics,
not to mention his split knee jumps. I was always amazed at
how this band communicated so well with the wild crowd and welcomed
audience participation.
I remember one show, not sure where or when, maybe about 10
years ago, me and my best friend (who was dating Cheese at the
time) went to their show, a couple of other bands played first,
we stood in the back, sitting on a table. I can remember sitting
there one second and the next, there was a loud thump as the
table came crashing down. I jumped off the table right before
it hit the floor and watched as my best friend sat there by
herself on the floor, still on the table. Me and the whole place
was staring at her, it even caught the bands attention, they
stopped playing in the middle of their song to see what the
commotion was. Needless to say, she was mortified and I was
laughing my ass off. And as always, it was a great show.
Here's a good one.....It was during the time when my best friend
was still dating Cheese, and we use to go to his apartment alot,(which
is probably a crackhouse now) well, we ended up crashing at
his place one night, them in the bedroom, me on the living room
couch......about a few weeks later, Cheese approaches his girlfriend
with his phone bill and asks her (not sure of his exact words)
"who in the fuck made all these 1-976 numbers on my phone? Love/Sex
calls, horoscope calls?" She asked me about it and I flat out
denied it. Throughout the years it's always been a joke between
me, her and Cheese. That night, they probably screwed and supposedly,
I sat on Cheese's phone all night talking to a voice wishing
to get screwed or trying to find out if it's in my stars when
I will get screwed.... and then there's Cheese, who later really
got screwed with an outrageous phone bill. I still don't know
who placed the calls Cheese, honestly, I don't remember, it's
been so long! (just like the times you don't remember me knocking
on your door) All I wanted was a cigarette!!
That's okay though, because I remember another time when me
and Rob came to visit you and you gave us this disgusting painting
that was made of ketchup, noodles, and all sorts of food, we
took it because we felt PRESSURED into taking it and you found
it sitting on the side of a road the next day! ha ha ha...!
(creepy) |
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I remember my first FLOYDBAND gig. 1986/'87 or so,at The Rage
on 9th St. across from the graveyard,Pink Holes/FloydBand. I
had been exposed to this kind of stuff before, but was never
in the middle of it. Anyway, we were to go on after the Pink
Holes, a mistake I would make only that once in my life. It
was some late o'clock in the morning, and Les and the boys had
torn the holy shit out of that club. As I peeked into the back
door , I was nearly hit with a plastic cup of pudding and a
piece of watermelon. Dave Mallchock, then FLOYDBAND drummer,
calmly walked onto the stage and starting tearing down Freddy's
drum kit, therefore ending the performance of the Holes. Blew
my mind. This was like intruding on a Black Flag show to me.
After coming to grips, I then had the challenge of setting up
my gear in 2 inches of pudding, watermelon juice, and beer.
I spent the rest of the night dodging beer cans and trying to
protect my gear. I had never seen such chaos in my life. The
Hole's knew how to get a crowd into a frenzy without trying.
I told Floyd I would never follow them again. Of course we did,
with the same results.
(TOMKAT) |
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I had traveled to Boston with my brother's band The Pink Holes
where they enjoyed a reputable following. It was a calm afternoon
but had rained that morning leaving puddles. Walking along
the street Les spots a little old lady ambling along. He sights
her up and at the right time charges down the sidewalk, launches
himself in the air and comes splashing down besides her. She's
soaked. Man, I thought I was punk but somebodies Nana, shit.
(Tim
Kelly) |
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