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Band
members trace the growth of Phestur
By Kimberly
MacGregor
Daily
Kent Stater
In the early 1990s, a new breed of rock bands came onto the
scene and defied everything we thought we knew about rock 'n'
roll. The grunge movement came out of Seattle and produced a
whole new popular sound. Grunge came, went and left us with
a watered-down version of what it once was. Now the local band
Phestur is trying to bring back the sound with a new twist,
mixing it with rock and punk.
Meet Phestur, a local band working hard to make it big. Phestur
is lead singer and guitarist Adam Hines, drummer Scott Munson
and bassist Jake Doerger. After making several changes to their
lineup, the band has finally gelled as a three-piece.
The band was started in April of 1999, and their current lineup
has been together since March of this year.
According to the band's Web site, www.phestur.com,
Phestur began with Hines searching for band members through
classified ads. He collaborated with another guitarist and a
drummer, but that drummer was eventually let go. He said he
met Munson in a Cleveland chat room and asked him to audition
for the band.
"I thought Phestur was a joke - asking me to 'audition,'" Munson
said in a recent press release. "I just wanted to jam."
After completing their lineup with a bass player, the early
incarnation of Phestur was ready for their first performance
at Peabody's Down Under on December 25, 1999. They had several
successful shows, but in March of 1999 the bass player left
the band to move out of state. Eventually, Munson called up
an old friend, Doerger, whom he hadn't seen in years. Doerger
and the band clicked instantly.
"I heard them play, then learned 10 songs in two weeks," said
Doerger. "The rest is all a blur."
The band was finally complete, or so it seemed. They traveled
to Toronto for a gig at the Bovine Sex Club. After that, the
band began experiencing problems with its manager as well at
its lead guitarist, who happened to be the manager's son. Both
were fired, resulting in the current Phestur lineup. Hines said
the band is very happy with their situation now, and there is
no longer any tension between the members.
The way the band got their name is another interesting story.
It was basically through word association. The lead singer's
name is Adam, which led them to think about Uncle Fester of
the television show The Addams Family.
That led to thoughts of a festering boil.
"We tend to grow on you," Hines explained. So the name became
Fester, but they wanted to be different, so they changed the
spelling to Phestur.
The members of Phestur describe their sound in several different
ways. "Grunge" is the word that Munson uses, but Hines quickly
corrects him.
"Don't say grunge," he says, not wanting the band to be written
off as simply a throwback to the heyday of grunge rock. "I'd
say the sound of our music is ... us. The way each of us plays,
each individual technique, melts into the sound that has become
Phestur."
He describes their style as "fast and punk, yet blends to rock,
then grunge."
The band members cite their musical influences with very different
answers. Hines said his biggest influence is Nirvana, Munson's
is Metallica, and Doerger's is Johnny Cash.
Johnny Cash?
Well, you might not be able to hear it in their music, but it's
another one of the pieces in the puzzle that is Phestur.
The band recently completed recording their first full-length
CD, which should be released some time in December. The CD,
titled "Fujita's Pad," has a natural disaster theme. The album
cover is a picture of a house that has been destroyed by a tornado.
The title was taken from the Fujita Scale, which is used to
rate the intensity of tornadoes. Hines said the band decided
on the tornado theme because the album is "rough edged, a bizarre
compilation of honest, from the soul, one-take recordings. It's
a twisted array of tunes, like that of an out of control wind."
The CD features 13 tracks, many of which can be downloaded from
the band's Web site through www.mp3.com.
It can also be ordered in advance by calling 440-339-7226 or
through e-mail at phestur@phestur.com.
Phestur played a show here in Kent on September 30 at a small
underground club called The Mantis. The Mantis is quite possibly
the biggest dive in the area, and there were no more than 20
people watching them perform at any given time. They knew they
weren't playing to a huge crowd, but Phestur still pulled out
all the stops. They had a strobe light, and Munson's drum kit
was decorated with lights as well. The sound quality in the
club was poor, but the band still tried to get their point across
to those who were listening.
"You play to play, for whoever is there -- 5 people or 500!"
said Hines, reflecting on the show later. "If you make one fan,
it's worth it."
Showing their sense of humor, they opened the show by playing
their own twisted punk version of the Laverne and Shirley theme
song. They mostly played their more powerful songs, including
"Paranoid," "Bitch," and "Sugar."
"I think we did well," said Hines after the show. "We did what
we do, and every time we play, I swear we get better!"
The band will be performing next on Saturday at the Symposium
in Lakewood, Ohio, with the punk band Kill the Hippies.
Looking towards the future, Hines speculated on what might happen
if his band were to get a recording contract. "I could depart
this life a success and happy!" he said. "I think there would
be growing pains of sorts, as with any significant change, but
I'm up for it. I think Jake and Scott are, too. In fact, I know
they are."
Reprinted Courtesy of Kimberly
MacGregor and The
Daily Kent Stater |
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these
guys rock, they played an awsome show with us at hickory lake
auditorium!!! Not too many times do you see a drummer take out
lights with his drum sticks!! Always a high energy show, if
you haven't seen them yet, i definitly suggest checking them
out.
-Dan Janssen "last august" |
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I'll
be throwing alot of stories out in the near future. but i'll
begin with a recent foray that might be very familiar to any
true punk musician that has ever been booked at a venue that
once you walk thru the door, you realize "uh-oh...these are
necks, and they want mountain music!"
We were invited to share a gig in my hometown, which the reason
i no longer live there is because i wanted out! and now i was
going back to do a show. sounds like a typical "hometown boy
does good story"...but this night had more in store.
the town is not so important...as this story will relate to
many i'm sure. we get to the venue, and when i lived there it
was known as a "rough place", but i figured "hell, 10 years
have passed, it can't be that bad"..we go in before loading
in to check it out.
time had stood still here!!! the mullet was still the hair do
of choice for the natives, and nascar adorned the walls! and
on the jukebox was hank williams and this "heard it in a love
song" tune..over and over again! of course, us looking as we
did...i with dyed spiked hair with a blue tint on this night,
and scott wearing his trademark "tard helmet" and jake in his
"loser" shirt well, let's say the attention shifted from nick
at night on the tube to us upon entering. it was like a rod
serling clip..in real time! none the less, we have dealt with
similar reactions before, so we proceed to load in.
now, i don't want to over do myself on this story, as there
were a few stragglers of our generation, and looked like they
might dig us, but there was this invisible wall that seperated
the "norms" from the 1985 deliverence woodsmen. of course the
"cat" hat wearing herdsmen were all at the bar hitting on the
barmaid and trying to drown there lives away in their old mill.
while the younger more accepting crowd was on the other side
having drinks brought to them by the bar maids. so we are now
set up, and this includes our light show. consisting of 6 well
placed strobes, and 2 aviation landing lights.
we begin to play...loud fast and invigorating. the song ends...you
could hear a pin drop...so we play on...segwaying as much as
possible. slowly the younger crowd begins to warm up to us.
the lights mezmorized the billy rays at the bar, as they looked
on in bewilderment like deer caught in the headlights of a '76
ford f-150. [that was for the benefit of any necks here lol]
we end our set, and to our amazement, even a few real drunk
home growns even liked us...[i think it was the lights...reminding
them of coon hunting] so we pass out stickers every where, though
a few herdamen were real uninviting, and wanted to kick our
drummers ass...just for offering them a free sticker.
anyhow, the club was then plasetered in PHESTUR stickers, which
the owner was quite upset about. so...the night is over, we
are spent...we want to get to our hotel which we had gotten
before getting to the club, but had not yet entered. we load
up, and for whatever reason, i did not do a tire check like
i always do following a show. afterall, anyone that hates the
band, usually upon finding the band van, likes to be stupid.
this night was no exeption, only i didn't do the routine tire
check.
so as i pull forward, i hear a loud pop and hiss, the damage
is done, a beer bottle placed beneath the rear tire had found
it's mark. FUCK!!!! was shouted a few times...then it was.."let's
get to where we are going fast!!!"
we get to a BP station where we but 2 cans of fix a flat to
try to slow down the leak, we air up the tire and make tracks
for the hotel, but the time we get there the tire is flat, so
i say fuck this, let's try to get to a truck stop, they have
24 hour garages!
i go to get my money back for the room that we never even entered,
and the hotel bitch says.."sorry, still have to pay for it."
i'm like "what??? we never even got in there!" she gives me
the line that she could've rented the room, so she had to charge
us anyhow. now as we are arguing, a man comes in right after
i pay the bill, and gets our old room since it wasn't used...so
i'm like...whoa!!! "you just got paid for that room twice!!!"
so i took it up with the management, and after alot of bullshit,
i get our money back. so now the task is to get to a truckstop.
we air up the tire again and proceed on down the road.
by the time we get to the truck stop, it's after 3 a.m., the
side of the van is covered in fix a flat that is spraying from
the mamoth hole in the tire, and they tell me the garage is
closed!!!
so off we go again! we air up the tire and try for the next
truck stop over 20 miles away. though i knew we would not make
it.
we end up at a rest area, tire not only flat, but trashed. i
do have a spare...but to allen wrench to get the lug covers
off. strangely, i am not overly pissed, but more amused at the
situation. scott goes to the coffee trailer that was set up
at the rest area to see if they have any tools. i begin to look
thru the door puched of the van, and what to my amazement do
i find??? an allen wrench! and it fits!!! scott returns with
2 dudes from the AAA. what are the chances at nearly 4 a.m.!
so the AAA guys do all the work, and we get the spare on...and
find it only has 15 pounds of air in it...but we all laugh..and
i say "it's 15 more pounds than the other has!" so upon leaving,
i offer 5$ to the guys that helped us...expecting to get the
'ol "nah...that's alright...just glad to help out" routine...but
that doesn't happen, they take the money and run! so we are
off to find a gas station to air up the spongey spare. we go
to 4 stations..all of which the air pump is out of order. though
finally we find a closed gas tation, and it has a working pump.
so upon airing up the tire, we find another hotel..the rankest
most rundown dive i ever seen!!! but oh how that lumpy 30 year
old mattress felt so good to crash on! this all became a great
road story...and actually a fond memory for future trips!
though upon having to get new tires the next day...it took me
a week to find the humor in it all!
(Adam Hines) |
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This
story is a road trip 2 parter. the first part beginning in what
i believe was february of 2000.
Phestur got a gig in toronto at Lee's Palace. this was when
Phestur was still a 4 piece band. the four members pack into
one van and all the equipment goes into another. a real piece
of shit!
now with hindsight, we can all see that it wasn't just the "other
van that was a piece of shit", ya know the saying about how
an owner resembles something he owns??? anyhow, this was one
of the gigs they had using a stand in bass player. [a real cool
guy, just a couple decades behind.] but hey, he was a real good
bass player, just not the grunge sound they needed. anyhow,
the trip up north begins easy enough, and once there all seemed
well.
the show went on, and it was decent, though being on a wednesday
in the middle of winter, well, a "turnout" would've been nice!
after the show, the "lead guitar player, who was 19 and knew
everything begins to whine and complain like a 5 yr. old that
he wants to go home. now this is after driving 8 hrs., getting
no sleep, and doing a show!
of course the band was like.."NO WAY!" "are you mental?" again
that hindsight kicks in. so back at the hotel, the prima donna
gets into it with his father [the self proclaimed manager] of
the band. [again...hindsight!] still wanting to go home, and
ranting now like a 10 yr. old [at least he was maturing] he
then proclaims that he's gonna walk home...AHAAA HAAA HAAA!
the band wishes him a good journey and crashes!
the trip home is a quiet one, and alot of stuff was needing
to be said, so adam makes a detour from the route home, and
after dropping off the stand in bass player, scott and adam
read dave the riot act. [i.e. shape up or fuck off!] and that
being said, the fear of being kicked outta the band sets hime
straight....NOT!
only 2 months later, it happens again...this time the band was
again off to toronto to play the Bovine Sex Club. and again,
it starts off ok....this time Phestur has it's new bass player
Jake. Jake has jeard the stories, but was yet to experience
the total incompitance of the manager and son comedy team. this
time it happens at the club. dave is sleepy, even after sleeping
nearly the whole 8 hr. trip!
the manager of the club lets the child lay down in his office!!!
WOW!!! A REAL HELL RAISIN' ROCK AND ROLLER HUH??? then it's
showtime, and he's throwing fits about how the band should not
have fun onstage. AH HAAAA!
at that point, adam's mind is already made up. after the show,
adam heads back to the hotel to catch some Z's, afterall, the
band had played a show the night before in cleveland, then drove
straight thru the night to toronto, and played that show. so
following adam's leaving the club, the "manager wannabe and
son" begin to scrap it out with jake and scott, all about the
band having fun onstage...and not being "scripted proffessionals!"
the trip home is total silence from dave's position.
by now, scott and adam are of the same mindset...and jake being
new to the group, well, i'm sure he had his doubts. sveral days
pass, and the "manager ["big dave"]" brings by a "promoter"
to talk with the band. now this promoter is a ticket taker at
a cleveland flats club, he has no car, and had to get a ride
from the daves.
a real proffessional. anyhow, while talking to this poser, the
shit begins to ooze, then fly into the fan with great majestic
heavenly force! adam saw the shining opportunity, and took it!
"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE ASSHOLE! YOU'RE FIRED!" following the
band wiping their asses with that missing link, they decided
to clean house and get the bitching little prima donna piss
ant out of the picture as well.
a unanimous vote made it so. TADAAAA! the stress mess was gone,
and Phestur became a 3 piece, and a better band period! now
a year later they are stronger and closer a band than ever!
wanna hear more??? ohh yeah! there's more, as the former member
can't face being let go! but we'll save that one till later!
(Adam
Hines) |
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are
we hooked on the Phestur [the early years] saga yet??? well,
these are all stories from the inside. the only way to really
get a glimpse of all the bullshit a band goes thru before finding
the majic match.
This one begins where the last ended. The firing of a member.
This particular member thought he was invincible since he was
the first to have been found via the fan rag of cleveland. This
false sense of security became his downfall...not to mention
the fact that he was the only guitar player [and i use that
term loosely] that had no rhythm and could make every "solo"
sound the same...like a picalo!
We had a gig the next night following our [the band] decision
to let the simpleton go. But we thought it would be a good gesture
to allow him one last show. Of course with his and his father's
[remember the fired ex-mamager?] temperment, we were sure there
would be sabotage afoot. So the decision was made to let him
go after the gig. [yeah...it only sounds mean if you are the
one being fired....really it was a humane way to do it.]
so, the night before the show, I get in touch via email to our
web master to make the changes to the site...removing pics,
and editing the line up and bio and what not. Now, on any other
occaision, this would take a minimum of one day. He emails me
back in 15 minutes and says "DONE!" In amazement, i go to the
site to check it out, and sure enuff, it's done! Now i begin
to wonder..."hmmm will dave go to the site, and will he see
something is amiss?"
It didn't take long to get the answer to that! around midnight
thirty, the phone rings. Now i'm asleep as this gig is an outdoor
gig and we [the band] were part of the set up crew ect. so i
let the machine get the phone, and yup, it was him.."adam give
me a call RIGHT NOW! ..i wanna know what's going on!!" **sob**
yes the breaking voice of a child about to cry was quite evident.
I was like..."fuck you dude, ya did it to yourself, and i'm
not getting into this at nearly 1 am!"
20 minutes pass, and it rings again, and again the "CALL ME
NOW!!!" message is given.
I then call scott, and let him know that i'm fairly certain
that dave knows something is happening. Scott says, "yeah...he's
called here already." by now it's after 2 am!. We also find
that he called a fan [a freind of the band...not a member mind
you] to see if she knew what was up. So to put closure to his
confusion, i email him, explaining the bands decision, and how
it came to be.
then i go to bed, and slept like a baby. [if that answers the
question "how can i sleep at night.." lol]
the next day,the former member's mother swings by in the shitty
van to get his gear. and quickly jumps into stupid mode saying
" that was a real shitty way to do that!" so i retort.." what
did ya want us to do? take him out to eat..buy him some parting
gifts, and give him severence pay...on gigs that paid nothing
because our former manager was so incompitent??!!"there is no
"good" way to fire someone, but i'm fairly sure that yelling
at one another over the phone at 2 am falls into the "DUH" category.
Anyhow, they get the gear and leave demanding money for a drum
kit that the "manager" bought for the band, but upon his firing
was given back to the moron. Of course to just end the whole
situation, we pay them what they asked for [as they had returned
the drums...] so we paid for the cymbals...[scott is a monster
and broke them..lol]
We then load up and head south for a 2 hr. drive to the festival
gig.
This was our first show as a 3 piece, and to be honest, i was
a little nervouse.
We arrive at the venue, and start schmoozing with the other
bands, a game of hacky sack breaks out and we are all having
fun...when what to our wondering eyes should appear??? A shittly
white van with the former member and fam! They drove the 2 hour
drive plus the 45 mins. it took to get from their neck of the
woods to hopefully see Phestur fail. Sorry to disappoint, but
it turned out awsomely, and they ended up leaving defeated!
Of course, i couldn't resist letting the whole crowd know that
it was the first show as a 3 piece, and further let them know
that the formers were in attendance! I'm an ass that way. Thus
ends this little jist....but did it end there??? HELL NO! but
fret not, there is but one last story involving how PHESTUR
got it's line up! The rest is all adventures of the "new PHESTUR"
line up!
trust me...you'll not be able to stop reading!
(Adam Hines) |
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ok...so
i was standing there with my tounge up this bitch's ass.....now
that i have your attention...i will throw out another diddy
fer ya's...no longer dealing with the ex-member...he has gotten
his 15 seconds 'o fame from us! this is a most recent story...one
of defeat and redemption of sorts. the funny thing is that both
venues are directly within eye shot of another, how one can
have an off night...and i mean off!..then have such a good night
is quite a trip!. it starts on a wednesday night, we have a
gig at the blind lemon in lakewood. now strangely, we have never
had a "good gig" there yet, something always happens. we are
either asked if we'd give up our slot so another band can have
it 'cuz their "crowd" will be there at a certain time, or we
have equipment failure...it's always something...and that night
was no different. but allow me to digress a bit on how we always
got the shaft at this venue. but don't get me wrong, it's a
cool venue, the staff is great, the sound is great, but maybe
it was built on an indian grave yard by direct ancestors of
me...who knows. ya see, phestur was always the "nice band" as
far as helping out the other bands..i.e. giving up our pprimo
time slots to accomidate another band, thus when we'd go on,
it'd be 1am and empty. and this happened all the time! there
would be 200 human beings packed into the joint, and enjoying
all the bands, hell even the horrible bands got their courtesy
love! then the "big headed" bands would overshoot their timeslots
[just because..] and further fuck us! as we had just given them
our slot! so come our showtime..."hey...we'd like to send this
one out to the drunk at the bar, that is a mainstay here!" you
know the one...he actually comes with the deed to the place.
and again, this night was no different! we arrive, and the only
band there as of yet was the headliner. these guys were real
cool, and friendly...so we bullshit with them for a few. we
then learn that they want to put us on last...there will be
an opener...the headliner...then us. the opening band doesn't
fucking show up until 10 mins. after they were supposed to go
on! so by the time they go on, they are an hour in the process
of stickin' it to us! but alas, we "do the right thing" and
show some love. then the headliners go on...they jammed awsomely,
and even played a shorter set...and gave us props! they had
to drive to chicago right after the show, so they wouldn't be
able to hang for our full set. but since they were such a cool
bunch...to forgive them was easy. so...it's now midnight on
a very cold wednesday night in january. we take the stage, there
is only about 15 people there...though we are quite used to
that. we start playing, some of the patrons venture in to us,,,and
that was cool, even the best piece of tail in the joint comes
up to the stage...that was very pleasing! now..a mere 6 tunes
into our set...jake's E-string on his base decides to committ
suicide! he compromises the best he can, but to no avail. [i
have decided to buy him a backup ax!] i never leave home without
one![learned that while doing a live radio show...broke 2 strings,
and had to switch out during a tune...as it was live radio!]
so anyhow, we decide to end it early as well, so i end it with
an "acoustic-ish" version of "where did you sleep last night"...which
went over well. but the curse of the lemon had us again! 2 of
the people left in the bar which now only numbered 10 or so
including the staff came up to us and said we kicked ass...[so
i guess that makes 20% of the intense crowd..] so that was marked
up to yet another lemon defeat....the lemon 4...phestur ZIP!
then just 2 days later, we play the symposium...just across
the street. again...3 bands...we are the headliners...the one
band askes.."could we go on second? our crowd will be here at
11." this time i thought..."hmmmm if what we normally do fucks
us...ALWAYS!..then the opposite should do us some good." so
we say SORRY...NO CAN DO! they didn't seem to pissed...but damn
it...we had to stop allowing ourselves to get dicked that way...ya
know!??! so we picked the 2nd slot, and the place was packed,
we brought our light show...and we attacked full on!!!! and
had the best damned response there that night! and another cherry
on the pie was...there was actually a hot chick that if given
the chance would probably have given it up to all of us! but
the cool thing was they loved us, and after the show [which
has now become one of the highlights of playing out...the meet
and greet] they tell us how much they dug the show! to hear
it from total strangers is quite a rush! so call that a redemption!
that's how in this biz, ya judge one show at a time...as it
can change that quickly!
(Adam Hines) |
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this
is a little diddy about murphy's law, and how it is applied
to almost any "live" performance.
this is from the oh...phuck! archive.
We had gotten a chance to do a live radio show. now granted
this was a college station [case western]...but still, there
was an audience.
we were quite hyped to do this...and do it we shall! our first
obstacle was where to unload. after making about a dozen trips
around the block to find a suitable and secure spot, we end
up , luckily, right in front of the station bld. so we unload,
and set up in this real tiny, and very cluttered studio...wait...let
me put that in parenthesis..."STUDIO"...i hadn't seen this much
vinyl since the days of having live in babysitters and their
streaking parties and pot bonanzas of the mid to late seventies!
this was an archeological treasure for those so disposed on
that sorta thing.
anyhow, our gear took up every bit of space there...so after
our soundcheck, we had an hour to blow. so we decided to get
snacks and great big mocha coffee drinks. this was later found
to be a bad idea.
we get back, and it is 10 mins. to air. the "dj" was filling
us in on how things would go, and letting us know the studio
number to have people call in and shit.
with a wave and a flash of the on air sign...we were on! all
was well, till our second song. this is where i not only break
one string...but a second hastily follows!...i may have gotten
by with losing the high "e"...but i also lost the "b". this
put the guitar way outta tune.
so i motion for the guys to keep going...and i throw the guitar
across the mountain of classic 33's...and grab the jag which
i happened to have ready to use on another song later in the
set. i then motion to continue...scott panics and stops for
a 2 count, then picks up on the next beat. funny thing is, when
he stopped, so did the bass. what brought it back together was
that the vocals didn't stop. so out of this "woops"..came the
arrangement of how we do the tune to this day. it sounded real
cool!
and it happened on live radio.
now the coffee thing comes into play. scott, of course, spills
his all over. [he's got the metabolism of a ferret anyhow] so
he didn't really need his, but i had drank all mine before we
went on air, and now my bladder was stretching to it's limits.
thus came another cool thing...we played faster, and this has
stuck on a few tunes as well.
we have the phones ringing off the hooks [as the radio sidekick
says]...heck they only had 3 lines. but as wired as we were...we
must've been very entertaining! so to wrap up the show, scott
jumps from his drums, and rips down his pants and presses his
ass to the control room personnel. i told him later that would've
gone over better if we had done a cable access show...this was
radio!
all in all...a good time...and showing that even when murphy
blunts his stupid "law" in our faces...we just take it and make
some fun outta it!
that's
rock-n-roll!
(Adam
Hines) |
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ok,
so i said i was done with the ex member stories...but to actually
give an insight to what a relief it was to be rid of this dwick...[yes
i said that as i wanted to..<---] one has to hear the final
story. just before his firing, he had borrowed jake's bass proccessor.
we all saw him take it, and we all knew it. so immediately after
the firing [within 2 days] we contact them...[the dwicks fam]
and request it back. now the only thing that made him a dwick,
was how he treated others. anyhow, his reply was that he brought
it back and left it at the practice spot. however, he had never
entered the bld. on that day, so we knew this was bullshit!
then he says he never took it...and this went on for weeks.
many phone calls later we decide to make a police report, as
this was a 500$ proccessor. then one phone call dwick's mammy
answers, and says that she is tired of seeing this thing [that
he doesn't have mind you..] on her coffe table, and wants to
give it back. so they arrange for us [the band] to meet them
at guitar center in their hood to make the exchange. we let
the cops know this, and they basically didn't wanna bother with
it, as it was not "taken" in their city limits. so we arrive,
and i alert the guys to put their cell phones on 911 just in
case. [as we knew the daddy dwick would be his usual ass self...remember
he was fired first] mammy is sent over to make the exchange,
but she demands 80$ for it...of course we say..not a chance
in hell, and i grab the unit and quickly give it to jake. she
then starts crying about leaving her son alone...lol SAY WHAT???
we inform her that if she wants to be angry at anyone, to be
so at her 'lil one, after all he drug them into this! he stole
the proccessor, and he stole the guitar from a venue we had
once played at, and on and on! i must tell you her reply, as
it is so fuckin' lame! she says "he never stole the proccessor,
he was just upset that he got fired." HA! and hitler didn't
do what he did...he was just upset. anyhow, she walks away,
and we think it's all over, then all of a sudden, daddy dwick
comes stormin' over saying he's gonna kick some one's ass!...Big
man walks right by myself and jake [the two biggest guys there]
and proceeds directly to scott [who only weighs 140 dripping
wet]...so we hit send on the cell phones, and the cops come
like there's a bank robbery! 4 cars, lights and sirens...by
now mammy is over pulling her he-man hubby off scott. now to
show daddy dwick's intelligence, he threatens to kill me right
in front of the cop, then proceeds to shove the cop. DUH!!!!
anyhow...long story short...we got what we wanted, and the cops
let us go...but as we left and waved happily to the dwicks,
we were fairly sure that he had his hands full...covering his
ass in the hooskaw that night! lol thus ends the ex-dwick saga!
just another piece in the puzzle of PHESTUR.
(Adam Hines) |
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|
| I
had made plans to meet John "Broken Hand" Morton outside the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at noon on a recent Saturday. I was
quite excited, having never met him before. I have always been
a huge fan of the music of the Electric Eels as well as X-Blank-X,
some of the bands that John has been in. When I first arrived,
I checked in the front lobby to see if he had gotten there before
me. I scanned the room with my eyes, looking for a big tall
blonde guy. There was some type of thing going on - local bands
were performing live on a makeshift stage in the lobby. I didn't
see anyone who I guessed would be John, so I went back outside
to wait for him there. Eventually, I saw a figure rambling towards
me who fit the description. As he approached, I asked, "John?".
"Yes" he replied, "and you must be Cheese". We shook hands and
began to enter the building. I said to him, "some kinda thing
going on in here, they are having live bands". John looked at
me and asked, "Cool....is it Phestur?" (Cheese
Borger) |
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ok...so
it's been a while since you've read my pens.... so here is a
recent foray... this is a little story 'bout degrees of seperation.
we enter the studio once again to begin our sophomore CD. we
had to book, then rebook several times to work around our giggin'
friggin' schedual. so the day finally comes, and wouldn't ya
know it, 2/3 of us are down with these mutant colds. but alas,
i for one, basically loaded up on contac and nyquil, then top
it off with about 6 cups of coffee each containing 6 bags 'O
sugar. this is like poor mans meth! so i'm good to go. we punch
out 8 tunes in 4 hours, mainly just the instrumentals, as we
decided to rebook and come back for the vocals and layering.
all the while i bring up "cle punk" and the borger "cheese".
so, ya wondering how this ties in with anything? well ZIP it
up....and hold on...'cuz it does.... now skip ahead one week....it's
a friday morning...almost noon. the phone rings waking my lazy
ass up. [hey...it was a late night of survivor and letterman!]
anyhow...one the other end is jake [phestur's bass player....]
he says.."hey, you'll never guess who i met last night!" i say.."
NO WAY!!! you met mel torme'!!!"...he says..."no jerkoff....i
was at this tiny shithole club las night, and heard these guys
talkin' about this guy "cheese borger". they pointed to him,
so i went up and asked if he was the cheese borger from cle
punk." the answer was affirmative! i was like "seriously??!!"
so jake tells cheese that he is from the band phestur....and
jake tells me that cheese knew his name! so anyhow, talk of
this compilation CD arise, and now the tie in to the studio
story.... one of the new tunes [ bitch with the big red hair
] will be submitted to the next compilation! so now...do ya
see the "small world" thing here? from mere letters and bits
and bytes sent via fiber optic lines to hard drives to a web
site, to a name...to a flesh and bone meeting ect. ok...maybe
that's a bit much! anyhow...thought it'd be cool to acknowlege
anyhow! PHESTUR MEETS CHEESE!
(Adam
Hines) |
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|
IT
WAS A Chilly friday night, the band wraps up what we might call
a "so-so" set. wasn't bad, but coulda been more electric from
the crowds point of view. it wasn't a big crowd, but it was
a quiet crowd. so we begin to tear down so the following band
could get set up. now this band following us had an intimidating
look, as they had alot of gear, and it was really cool gear,
and there were 4 of them. so i was expecting to hear an awsome
set. this did not materialize, as the crowd was more dead for
them, thus making us the heros for the day! anyhow, as we tore
down, these 2 girls that were right up fron tell us how they
enjoyed the set, and thought we were great. knowing that it
was a "so-so" set, i was quite amazed. so to show my appriciation,
i throw them a free CD. they then offer to help us load up our
van. FOR REAL!!!! i was again quite amazed! usually it's the
one plastered dude in the front that is screaming unintelligible
drabble throughout the show that wants to help, and ends up
loading up the other band's gear with ours causing a potential
throw down with the other band, till they see the pickled pecker
that did the thwarting, and recognize him as the guy that did
the same thing to them the week before! this guy is also the
dude you see on C.O.P.S. every saturday, the one that has piss
stains on his jeans and swears that he is sober and has no warrants
before volumes one thru 13 come flooding out over the police
radio. anyhow, they offered, and would not take no for an answer,
so far be it from me to deny to hot gals to help load up! after
loading, we all hung out by the van B.S.'n away, not thinking
it would be alot warmer inside. so after our noses were like
faucets on full we make tracks back inside. we hung with these
gals till closing, and had a blast! they were the most vocal
and lively beings there that night, and it just proves that
even though we thought that show was a bust, we made a minimum
of 2 new fans,,,and the bonus was they were very easy on the
eyes! and alotta fun! we do hope to see them again! oh...for
future endeavors...do not mix nyquil and contac with a gig...then
wrap it up with smirnov ice...makes for an interesting trip!
gotta luv cold season!
(Adam
Hines) |
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ok...it's
a firday night in mansfield, ohio, and we have a gig with a
popular band from the area. our bass player had been in michigan
all week, and was supposed to be home on thursday, but didn't
leave till friday. so there i am pacing, wondering will he be
back in time? scott [our drummer] and i were up all night at
the studio layin' some tracks for the next release, so now i'm
tired on top of everything. like some uptight worry wart, i
make the "drive plan" down to the minute of laod in at the club,
and know that we have to leave by such and such time to get
there in time. that "launch window" comes, then goes, still
no jake and scott, so i reach for the phone and give them a
ring. "we're about a half hour from your place!"...i now know
that we'll have to beat feet to not blow this gig. long story
short, we never get below 80 mph the whole way there! but we
make it barely! anyhow...now to the partial point of this diddy.
not knowing how we'll be recieved by this audience, we take
the stage and decide to give 'em our fast and heavy set. from
where i stood, my thought was...they don't like us. there was
some cheering but most of all...silence. so the band plays on!
after our last tune we thought "well...chalk up another doozy"...when
the next thing we know, we are encircled by people wanting a
CD and autographs. strange but true, we sell out of CD's in
like 10 mins. and are even signing napkins.! so the next day,
scott and i go to a copy place to get more copies of our CD
inserts made so we'd have more CD's ready for the next gig.
we hand the dude at the desk the master insert to copy. he tells
us that they cannot copy it because it is copyrighted. we say
"yeah...we know, it's our copyright...it's our CD"..then i proceed
to show hime our pictures in the insert..."see...that's me,
and that's him" pointing to scott. the pimply faced red headed
stepchild freezes like a deer about to make it's maker via a
1977 kenworth long nose fully loaded with the high beams on
on a pennsylvania highway. then he whirls around and yells for
his manager...this 90210 cast extra pops out of the office and
comes over. jed the red head explains to her what we want, she
says.."sorry, it's copyrighted"...i look right at scott and
say.."is this for real???" and again retort with "yes...we know..it's
our copyright, our CD, our insert..." so sarcastabitch cuts
me off and says that we'll need to fill out a copyright intent
form. so, for our amusement, we go to the rack with the pamphlets
and we grab one and bring it back and fill it out. bascially
it is a form that you fill in what you're gonna copy, and who
holds the copyright, and it asks permission of the holder to
make a copy. in other words...i had to give myself permission
to make a copy of my stuff for use in making more stuff so we
could sell, and then i had to give my permission to me to do
so. WHAT THE PHUCK!!!! RED PHUCKING TAPE ASS BULL SHIT! i was
expecting alan funt to appear and say "SMILE YOU'RE ON CANDID
CAMERA!"
(Adam
Hines) |
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|
this
goes with the posers pic.....
while having a party over at jake's place in burton, ohio, we
decided to go to the gravel pit that was off behind his property.
this pit was quite large and semi-abbandoned.
of course we had all had a few before hand, and were carrying
our reinforcements with us, and quickly running them dry. we
also brang our significant others to take some pics. so we start
with basic pics, just standing here, and climbing there. but
then we get that "extreme" feeling to just be dareful.
so we come upon this big cliff...it was and easy 40ft. drop,
if it was an inch! it went straight down for about 25-30 ft.
then sloped off the rest of the way to the big rocks below.
the slope of it looked soft, so we test it by throwing a rock,
and sure enough, it just went splat. so by now, we are feeling
no fear...you know...10ft. tall, invisible, and bullet proof.
scott takes the first jump of faith....and splat...a perfect
landing. jake decides not to take the risk, and walks around
to the other side...that leaves me on this monolith by myself....so
i breathe in, and jump. it seemed like i was airborne for a
week. but then...splat! it was awsome!!! PHESTUR EXTREME! was
born!
so we find this old earth mover, and get a few pics, and got
a great in flight pic of us jumping off a cliff, which made
it to our CD back.
funny thing is...as we were leaving the pit, there was this
small couple of mounds, not more that a foot ot two high, and
as i jumped from one to the other, i fall and phuck up my leg.
PHESTUR...EXTREME!
(Adam
Hines)
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ok...we
all thought that our stories invilving our illustrious "ex"
member were all passe...but just when we think
the phucker haths gotten over us, he boinks his grubby 'lil
ass back in!
let this story be a lesson to all the bands that may stumble
across this sorta thing.
to start, allow me to give you the lowdown how, in this band,
the new material is introduced...and has been since day one.
first i write the tune, i put the lyrics on paper, while coming
up with it's proper chords on my acoustic guitar...verse by
verse. i have always been careful, and signed and dated every
song. from there i go to the basement, where i can throw down
a quick recording of the song acoustically so i wont forget
how it all goes.
then at whatever rehearsal i choose to introduce it, i do, and
show the guys the chords, and give them the back up lyrics ect.
they then improvise to make it "them" based on what
was given them...and it evolves into a tune that eventually
gets played.
NOW.... to refresh you on the dulldroms of our "ex"..we
fired him a year ago...for his lowsy playing and his worse attitude
ect.
this dude had no rythmn, and had to be worked with over and
over to get his parts right. basic dead weight!...heck what
do you do with a 130 pound slab of rotting meat stuck to your
back?...ya pitch it!! anyhow...following his firings..which
all can be read in the previouse stories...he maintains that
he was "over the band", and wanted nothing more to
do with the band.
yet, he kept popping up every 3-4 months doing stupid shit!
sabotaging gigs by telling the booking agents we had broke up,
or that we weren't showing up. stupidly..because at one venue...he
was there in person telling the agent that...and we showed up
when he was doing it! secondly, at another venue, he did it
by phone, only he left his name with the agent...how did we
know this? the agent told us!
so anyhow...his latest stunt is this....first he starts shit
on a local chat page about us...then it moved to our guestbook
on our site...posing as a "roomate" from a college
in seattle....HAHAA! again by saying he was over the band...and
to let up on him...this all said thru the mouth of a "roommate"...we
later find that he's not in seattle, never was in seattle...and
there is no roommate. anyhow he then decides...that he wrote
some of my tunes!...and quickly runs to register them!
we then get notice from his attorney that these are his songs,
and that we are infinging upon them. well, the dumbass doesn't
realize that getting a copyright registered does not mean that
you are the author, and that copyright protection does not start
with who wins the race to the registers office. it begins once
the said creation is put in a tangible form...BY THE AUTHOR!
registering it just takes it a step farther to help show a "proof"
anyhow, of course this is a big fraud!...so we must defend!
afterall, all that phucker ever contibuted was to just make
it a "fatter" sound...just because he was in the band
for less than a year, doesn't mean he has any rights to the
music!
so now, this could end up in court...FEDERAL COURT...and it
is very costly! his story to his attorney is that he introduced
the songs in question to the band...of course we have an incredible
amount of proof that he did not! including sworn statements
from other former members, rehearsal tapes, the original documents,
and tapes, let alone the fact that we can prove he's a habitual
liar via emails about the stolen property from afformentioned
stories ect.
ya see...what has happened here is that we got to "laxed"....even
on a local level, there are those evil forces that can do damage.
the "ex" obviously lays in bed every night...for over
a year...thinking only phestur...and sees that our hard work
has begun to pay off, and he can't stand the fact that he couldn't
cut it, and now wants a piece of the pie. the lesson here is
this...PROTECT YOURSELF!!! even at the local level...this is
still playing out for us! they are trying to negotiate joint
copyrights...which the more i thinkl about it, i'm just gonna
deny...and somehow raise the money to take it to court, and
let the phucker sink his own ship by lieing to a federal court
judge, and then hit them with a countersuit.
thing is...we should never have been put in this position.
so...to learn more on this...contact us at our web site...and
we'll point you in the right direction...this can affect anyone...it
did us! they must think that my tunes totally rock to go thru
all this to try and get a piece! <---that's the "silver
lining" bullshit.
will this be the last we hear from our phucking "ex"????
we'll see. the slave to his ego is undoubtedly schemeing more!...which
is more amo to our case! BRING IT ON PHUCKER!
ahhhh thank yahhhhh!
(Adam
Hines) |
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|
OOOoooyawwww,
we got more...we'll fill everyone in on the latest on the phuckin'
legal shite later.
today's little diddy is about our show on may 25th at the symposium
with the josh dodes band from vh-1's bands on the run.
as you all know, if you have been watching, when josh dodes
was in cleveland last, they had a bit o bad luck...ie. having
a scrape with a cleveland RTA bus, and then only having one
person show up to their show at the symposium.
well, our story paralles that soerta. while passing out flyers
for this show...me and a bud of mine were in akron. i was at
a red light in the phestur van, and was up too far, so i checked
my rear view mirrors, and saw the coast was clear, so i put
it in "R", hit the gas, then CRUNCH!
we get out to find there was a car so close behind me that it
was in the blind spot. lucky for me, there was no [very little]
damage to my van, though the trailer hitch found it's way to
the cars bumper and radiator, though it did not puncture it.
also lucky for me the police did not cite!!!!
thanx akron P.D.!!!! anyhow, flash forward to may 25th.
this time around, we had the foint packed for josh dodes! when
we got there, they were already there, so i break the ice by
entering saying..."hey, i know you!!!" from then on
we all just hung and bullshitted till showtime! turns out they
are all cool kats!
we hit the stage around 10:30, and played our asses off! then
josh dodes went on...[adrian is a hottie!!!]...they made sure
to mention that it was cool to see the symp full this time,
and that it was like a whole new club that way.
then our buds from floored closed up the night. all in all,
a great show, though there were 3 ditinct genres there, it was
a whopping success!
and the cherry on top was connie lynn showing up in all his/her
glory with lighted whip and soulcracker underwear...which she/he
wore!
how awsome is that?! only in lakewood! lol
(Adam
Hines) |
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ok,
so i know it's been a while. but this one is so typical of phestur
and our underdog image, that i must digress upon it.
....we get booked at the rock-n-ribs rib cook off at NC STATE
campus in shelby, ohio to participate in a battle of the bands.
we had a show the night before and got home very late around
3.a.m. we had to be at the NC STATE campus the next morning
at 11a.m. thus leaving no time for any hangovers to fade.
we are on the road by 8:30 and grab our morning feul of McDonalds
and dairy mart mocha. and after filling our cooler with assorted
beverages of the brown bag persuasion, we are enroute to the
show.
we pull in at the venue, and see this mamoth stage [bachman-turner-overdrive
was playing there that night...]. anyhow, our first thoughts
were..."AWSOME! THIS IS GONNA BE A BLAST! LOOK AT THAT
STAGE!"
we flag down one of the event staff and ask where are we to
unload, and the response is..." ya wanna go around...behind
the big stage, then follow the tree line all the way back till
you see the other stage." OTHER STAGE?
so we follow the golf cart to the other stage which consisted
of 2 trailers parked parallel. but still in good spirits, we
concede to the smaller stage knowing it'll still be fun. as
usual, we are the first band on the scene, so we help set up
the "universal drum kit" and help the sound tech with
his sound check.
slowly the other bands show up, 5 in all and then it's time
to pick numbers for the order of performances for the battle.
scott ascends and does the picking for phestur, and in true
phestur luck, we get the pick of death...number 1.
we are a little bummed, knowing the first band never stands
a shot at winning, and that the first band is always the guinea
pig for the sound dial in and equipment problems. and yes, all
the above happens during our slot. but none the less we play
one of our best shows under all the equipment failures and sound
problems.
by the near end of our set, they finally have it all straightened
out, but we feared it came too late to be our saving grace.
so after our set, we decide to grab some ribs and bust out the
beer! 5 hours later the final band wraps up, and the judges
tally up their scores.
and again, in true phestur form...WE GET 5TH PLACE!!!! LOL so
we take the stage, scott plants a big wet kiss on the promoters
cheek and gives his rousing acceptance speech, and i do the
same,as we are awarded our consolation prize of 3 glass mugs.
so, as we head back to the van, we notice the sound techs and
crew hard at work for BTO's show later that evening on the big
stage, so i send scott on a dare to con his way into getting
them to let us do the sound check.
the response..."NOT A CHANCE!"...but it was awsome
to see scott weasel his way thru their "security"
and onto the mainstage, and attempt the dare.
all in all, we had a blast, we got great video of our show,
and it sounded awsome, the number one slot killed our chances
though. i mean, we were being judged on stage presence, songs,
and originality...and we lost out to a band that played "jesse's
girl" for God's sake!!! how is that original?
playing cover songs at a battle of the bands? oh well...still
an awsome time! good beer, hot chicks, good beer, good ribs,
and good beer!
(Adam
Hines)
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