| |
|
One
of Floyd's better James Bond moves happened the night of the
Baloney Heads reunion in 1988 @ Peabody's Down Under, when The
Floyd Band opened the show.
Halfway through the Baloney Heads set (which Floyd was suppose
to make an appearance on the encore "I'm A Drunk"), it was learned
that the security at the club had thrown him out earlier. Why?
Well, it seems that a fun loving Floyd Band fan had shown up
from her stripping gig at Saber's a couple doors down and the
security had caught Floyd in the dressing room about to pork
her during The Baloney Heads' set.
Bye, bye Floyd!!
(anonymous) |
|
|
We
were playing a gig in Youngstown with The Adults. This was just
after the release of our LP, "I Burped And Puke Came Out My
Nose". We were getting attention, and acting like obnoxious
rock stars, although we weren't. Floyd, Dave Mallchock, Goodie
and I retreated to Dave's sports car to snort some coke. Just
as we were about to take off Crystal from the Adults ran up
to the car and asked us where we were going. Floyd blurted out
"We are going to get something to eat". Crystal reached into
her pocket and gave us $5 to get her a hamburger. How bogus
were we. We left in search of a hamburger joint, and got lost.
After finding a Burger King, we returned to the gig high with
Crystal's cold hamburger. We were fashionably late for the gig.
We walked from the car, all strung out, right onto the stage
and ripped into "Responsibility" as Floyd yelled out "Hello
Youngstown, we never played a gay bar before". We were in a
rock n' roll zone.
(TomKat) |
 back
to top |
Bottle
fight! The mere word conjures up fond memories...for Dave Mallchok
anyway. Here goes. Starvation Army, the Unwelcome, the Offbeats,
and Floyd Band, set off for a show in Columbus, the college
part of town. What all of us failed to realize was that it was
Springbreak, and everyone had gone home for the long weekend.
So the show amounted to us traveling two hours to watch each
other practice, and like practice, much drinking ensued. When
it was over each band collected there 10 bucks, and hammered
as we all were, someone told us about a party going on. Off
we went, a drunken gang of Keith Moons ready to fuck shit up.
Details elude me as often happens when much alcohol is invoved,
tempers flared and bottles flew, or maybe just good natured
bottle smashing {very punk thing to do at the time}, and I unsuspectingly
rounded the corner, KLUNK, the sound of my head caving in, grabbing
my head I'm seeing blood everywhere....MY BLOOD, and all I can
hear is someone laughing insanely. Dave Mallchok had pitched
the bottle and I had walked into it, an accident?...then why
was he laughing like that. I lost it. Running the length of
the room I launched myself into the air and landed with both
feet upon Daves chest and began to pummel him with both fists
much like the incredible Hulk might do. And still he laughs.
He later apologized {laughin' all the while, and till this day
the mere mention of it brings a smile to his face. Hows that
saying go... with friends like that....
(Floyd) |
| back
to top |
I
call this one "the great clevo rock and roll swindle".It must
have been about 1987,cuz Dave Mallchock and Tom {Goody} Goodwyn
were still in the band, TomKat having recently joined, Got booked
to play the then gigantic mainstream festival Riverfest. How
did such a motley crew of underground musicians land such a
high profile gig? Lies and deceit of course.
At the time i worked for an egytian guy named Saber who owned
a strip joint called Sabers, a couple doors down from peabody's
in the flats, he also owned the huge parking lot that was then
across the street from peabody's, which would be the main stage
for the oncoming riverfest event. The bands had been booked
with 1st Light playing their peace and love set at ten pm. Saber
knew i had a band but little else about us, to which i used
to my advantage i told him we were a Pink Floyd cover band.
How could I refuse, he loved pink floyd and insisted that we
play after 1st Light, on sat, the best slot of the weekend.
Hey, when ya got nothing ya got nothing to lose, I accepted
his offer.
We got the word out with fliers college radio and word of mouth.
The big day arrived, I remember Dave driving his van thru the
crowd litterally one foot at a time, Kat arrived at night and
had to walk from the top of the flats with his guitar on his
back and his amp on a hand dolly. Here we were a band used to
playing to a hundred people on a good night, in places like
JB's down, about to play before thousands of drunken yuppy/redneck
classic rock fans. Were we worried? Oh how we drank that day,
balls of beer have no fear.
As we loaded our gear on stage as 1st light was tearing down,
one working technican asked me where were the keyboards, To
which I replied "Keyboards we don't need no steenking keyboards."
It was on, moments to go, a huge lightshow fixed upon our humble
equipment, we took the stage ...1-2-3-...Dave was not up there
with us. Now I had to stall. So I complained to the crowd that
we couldn't start without our drummer, I got them chanting DAVE!
DAVE! DAVE! After what seemed like an hour the crowd began to
part like the red sea before Moses and here came Dave, with
cases of beer under his arms.
Now I had the crowd chanting BEER! BEER! BEER! Dave wings the
beer up on stage, the bags ripping, beer rolling everywhere,
he climbs up the front of the stage calmly throws about 3 beers
to the crowd sits down and clicks off 4 sticks.
We began with a punked out version of Mellow Yellow. Unfucking
beleivabe the crowd ate it up. They were just that drunk, and
we were on fire."Pink Floyd
I sneered, "We dont need no steenking Pink Floyd." We launched
into our own set and got away with about 8 songs before the
shut us down, not because of our music but because I was yelling
across the river to the people on the dock at shooters, calling
them lame michael stanley loving mother fuckers. The sound man
stage right told me to apologize, to which i Respectfully told
the crowd "I'm sorry....Your a bunch of lame Michael Stanley
loving pussies!" That was that. We trashed our gear in true
rock fasion gathered our remaining beers and left the stage.
And here's what's to me the most incredible part of the whole
debacle, the crowd wanted us back for an encore. Meanwhile Saber
had passed out drunk and missed our set, I don't think he ever
found out. Bowie once said it and said it best "We can be Heroes
just for one day."
(Floyd) |
| back
to top |
Hey
Floyd- what about the time we opened for the Slammin' Watusis
and Butthole Surfers at the Agora? They had food and beverages
in our backstage room -- real official-- except Floyd figured
that the better looking women were in the OTHER room with the
Butthole Surfers, so he kept going in there. Next thing I know
someone's telling me that Floyd got beat up and kicked out,
and I needed to go pick up our cash from the show. Turns out
we made more than I expected-- I tried to be the one to pick
up the cash after that.
(Tom Goodwin) |
| back
to top |
Damn!
Goody... Leave it to you to take a 5 paragraph story, turn it
into sixty words or less, and get it all wrong. Once again,
I will attempt to keep it real. We showed up for our sound check
at about 4:30 as requested. The Butthole Surfers were already
there doing there check. Plink, plink, plink, on the guitar
for like two and a half hours, the Slamming Watusis and Floyd
Band would get no soundcheck this day.
Gibby the egomaniac from the Surfers had to make sure his guitar
made the right plink noise. We were never much for sound checks
anyway but it would have been nice since we never played a venue
as big as the Agora theatre before. It was time to go to our
dressing room and get ready, and guess what? A buffet was set
up with food and drink for the great rock stars, and we shared
cramped quarters with the friendy Slamming Watusis. Finally
showtime arrives, we take the stage, and another surprise? The
Buttholes had demanded that their soundman alone would run the
sound for the whole night, so now I'm on the mic singing but
it was turned off. The monitors were on so Ithought all was
well, finally I notice kids down in front motioning that they
couldn't hear, so I grab Tomkats mic and guess what? No sound
there either,
Some friends of ours in the crowd took matters into their own
hand and went down and actually intimidated their sound guy
and he eventually gave me the vocals back. With our guys there
breathing down his neck, we finish our alotted thirty minutes
without further incident.
We're pissed but we chalk it up to experiance and Dave Mallchock
and I proceed to get truly hammered. The asshole Surfers do
their tired watered down hawkwind rip-off set, by then Dave
and I are plastered, and I tell Dave I'm going back stage to
get my coat, but I'm so drunk I accidentally wandered into the
Surfers dressing room.
"Get the fuck out !" Gibby screams at me, I'm like "oops just
looking for my coat" and left. This is where things get really
whacky, I stumble around back stage for like five minutes and
oops, damned if I didnt wander into their dressing room a second
time. "I said get the fuck out you asshole!" Gibby yells again.
This time I go "excuse me superstar, I'm still looking for my
coat" and leave a second time.
OK,
I know this is starting to sound like something out of Spinal
Tap by now but I was drunk, lost my way and ended up walking
in too the surfers room a third time. Gibby lost it, he shouts
"It's that asshole again!" charges up to me and gives me a quick
push, and starts calling for security.
Never push a drunk punk on his own turf, without even thinking
about the consequences, with that said Ibitch-slapped that arrogant
prick. A bouncer grabs me and halls me to a back door puts his
foot on my back and kicks me out the door. Two hours earlier
I was on that big Agora stage and kids were cheering now I was
drunk coatless and lying in an icy puddle.The glory of punk
rock. I somehow got a ride to the Alterhouse in the warehouse
district, as I'm walking in there is Dave hand-cuffed standing
off to the side. Apparently Dave (the bottle fighter that he
is) chose to blow off some steam by smashing beer bottles on
the wall next to the Alterhouse. The good news was Dave had
recovered my leather jacket.
So there is the real story , no "HOTTIES" in the Asshole Surfers
dressing room, I didn't get beat up that night, and Goody did
collect the money, fifty dollars I recall, if it was more than
that Goody, you owe me some bucks.
(Floyd) |
| back
to top |
In
my fifteen years of fronting a punk rock band, many things have
been thrown on stage, and at me. From the obvious; beer cans,
chairs, garbage cans - to the more obscure; mannequin parts
, TVs, hippies. But the all time craziest thing I ever got hit
with happened at the infamous 1385 alley party around 1988.
We were playing a midday party with Starvation Army, when in
the middle of a song, (and I can still see it 'til this very
day), a dead cat came spiraling in slo-mo directly at my head.
Someone loved us enough to bring roadkill to throw at me, how
touching! Said cat was dead for some, as rigormortis had long
set in. I flung the stiffened cat into the air where it hit
a telephone line, did a purrfect 360 loop and disappeared into
the crowd. About ten years later, I'm standing in line at a
bar and a pretty girl approaches me, asking, "Floyd ,do you
remember me?" " nnnno?", I respond. "You hit me with a dead
cat once". How many times in the world do you think a girl has
approached a guy in a bar with that line? What goes around....Floyd
Another tale of Floyd Band fun, again about '88 I'm guessing,
Dave Mallchock volunteered to move Lair Lewis and his girlfriend
to Philadelphia. Having never been to Philly before, I went
along for the ride. We thought we'd scout some bars for gigs
and put up stickers everywhere. The night before we left was
a going away party at 1385, an all nighter. The night ending
with an old fashioned fireman's line, passing Lairs belongings
from the house to the van, Cheese calling out the contents of
each box as it came down the line, " records! condoms! police
records! puke!" and so forth.
The farewell ceremony ended with tons of pink foam being strung
all over Daves' van {leftover residue from a Pink Holes show]and
off we went. As we arrived in Philly, pulling up to Lairs new
digs, the tire went flat. Dave had that kind of luck. So we
stickered up Philly , spent the night and in the morning Dave
says " ya know New York's only two hours away". I had never
been to the rotten apple before so off we went. During that
drive Dave and I consumed massive amounts of beer,and Dave says
were going straight to the legendary CBGB's. As we pulled up
to the bar, one thing was on our minds, and that was taking
a piss. We got out and proceeded to relieve ourselves. Midway
thru the pissing, a spotlight hits us and a voice booms over
a loud speaker, "This is the police ! Put your dicks away!"
As any guy knows, it's impossible to stop pissing mid stream.
We finished our business in total disbelief. The cops come up,
noticing our out of town plates, and ask where were from. "Cleveland",
I sheepishly reply. "Well do you always just piss in the streets
of Cleveland?" "uhh yeah." Dave replies. "Smart ass punks, in
New York we have privies" we were lectured. The cops were obviously
just playing fuck-fuck with the yokel tourists. Daves' luck
was like that. My New York lesson; While in New York keep it
surreal.
(Floyd) |
| back
to top |
Floyd
Band the Cle-True story:
Floyd Band has the dubious honor of being the only band turned
down for studio-rama 11 years in a row. We almost made the cut
once but were bumped at the last minute cuz some DJ at the station
had a hard-on for Numbskull. But what the fuck, we eventually
gave up, i mean we couldn't play for free in our home town.
Floyd Band plays a women's prison. True story, well almost.
Actually it was the Women's Pre-release center in the Central
neighborhood. It seems that Daniel Thompson poet laureaute of
the north coast thought we might be an uplifteng experiance
as these ladies re-entered civilization, the place was completely
locked down with women that had served theit time and had 6
months left to serve, big walls, barbwire on top. The guards
took us in a room and warned us on how dangerous these ladies
were, very comforting. The show went off without a hitch,They
laughed, they cheered,and even sang the chorus and held hands
during "I'm in love with a Lesbian". We raised their
spiritual awarenes and taught them to embrace all that is wrong
and negative in the world, with such anthems like "Innocent
By Insanity" and "Trashy Girl" And most imortant
of all they treated us like Beatle-Mania. Hey I guess we could
play for free...behind bars.
Floyd Band once opened for Henry Rollins spoken word tour and
he didn't speak a word to us.
When asked by Maxixmum Rock and Roll Magazine who they were
listening to lately? The Dwarves said FloydBand" I burped
and puke came out my nose". That meant more to me than
all the positive reviews we got, just to think those sickest
of all fuckers liked us.
Floyd Band once made the "in" column in Cleveland
Magazine. Of course 6 months later we made the "out"
column, hey I just put a check in the at least those fuckers
noticed us column.
I once saw Jim Lanza actually tapping his foot during a Floyd
Band set, it must have been an accident.
(Floyd) |
| back
to top |
"What
do Floyd from FloydBand and former all-pro Browns defensive
cornerback Hanford Dixon have in common?" That question
was posed to the public in 1994 over the airwaves of commercial
radio.
The answer, "They both can be found on Cleveland Entertainment
on-line." It was some kind of Cleveland entertainment internet
service that called and asked me if I'd be interested in doing
a radio commercial with Hanford Dixon. "Any money involved
?" I asked. "$250.00" came the reply. After picking
myself off the floor I calmly replied, "sure why not".
I mean fuck! that was more money than I'd ever made individually
from Floyd Band. Visions of 8-balls danced in my head. A limo
picked me up from my day job and took me to the studio. I'm
shaking hands with Hanford (Top Dawg himself..woof woof!) and
thinking "Dude, you should of copyrighted the word dawg."
I refrained from mentioning it figuring he would probably be
hearing that the rest of his life. I am by no means a sports
enthusiast. Still it was pretty cool to meet him all the same.
I even got his autograph. We were then given our scripts. I
was to say "I'm Floyd from the Floyd Band" and "Cleveland
on-line rules!" And here's where it got way cooler, one
of Handfords lines was, "That Floyd guy scares me!"
The commercial aired on WNCX, WGAR, WZAK, and a bunch of other
stations that no one I know listens to so I never got much feedback
on it, and I'm sure none of their listeners ever heard of me.
But that was their fuck-up, I took the $250.00 and ran.
(Floyd)
|
| back
to top |
| |
Floyd..you
never did spell Cal's name right you bone-head.
The band was playing in Athens and after the show someone
invited us to a party. They made the mistake of giving Floyd
the address and we ended up walking into someone else's party,
a bunch of jocks if memory serves me right. Needless to say,
we were not welcomed and turned around rapidly ran for the
door and I (Suzi Smith) feel on my ass. We went back to our
motel room Cal, Kat and myself (money was tight back then,
we had to share a room ). It was just three days after Cal
and I got married. The honeymoon was over that night!
All
kidding aside, those were some pretty cool days and we love
ya Floyd. Smooch!!
(S.S.)
|
| |
|
| |
I
met Dave Malchock while in college in South Carolina. He was
getting his teaching degree at the time. I got recruited to
play in the orchestra for a production of "Little Shop
of Horrors". Dave was playing drums. We wore Tuxes. We
got to be good friends, and spent many nights partying. After
that I joined Daves band "The New Manson Family"
(it is believed this is were Marilyn Manson got the idea to
call himself "Manson", while he was on his senior
trip to Myrtle Beach). We also called ourselves "The
Sand Martians" so we could get gigs at chili cook-offs
and festivals. After graduation Dave loaded a VW bug and headed
west to inspire the troubled inner city youth of L.A.
|
| |
back
to top |
| |
This
is a hard story for me to write cuz it means i must admit to
going to see the Exotic Birds. It was one of those night when
Squelch, SA, or the Pink Holes were nowhere to be found in the
pages of the Scene. The Birds had a buzz on them about breaking
attendance records and being the next big thing out of cleveland.
I also heard another buzz that caught my interest alot more,
that their shows were well attended by hot new wave chicks,
I'm only human, I went.
My friend Dood and I arrived at the Phantasy drunk and stoned.
The dance floor was popping, and i mean it literally. That new
wave college crowd were all doing some lame pop up and down
kind of dance that gave my stoned brain the impression of being
inside a popcorn machine. The music was boring predictable synth-dance
pop. It soon became apparent that none of the girls there were
going to dance with two sobbering drunks like us, so we gathered
up chairs and pulled them on the floor and danced with them.
That was our first time chair-dancing, and I believe Dood and
I were pie and ears or the chair-dancing fad that later swept
the dance floors of new wave shows throughout Clevo in the mid
80's. I also noticed something during their set that earned
me the title of "that asshole" to Trent and his mates.
The titles to three of their songs were"Dance the Night
Away", "Dancing on the Airwaves" and "Dance
with Me."
Weeks later the lure of hot new wave girls and chair-dancing
drew me back to see them again. Drunk off my ass as usual, I
stood in the front and and between songs all night yelled "Play
Dance the night away on the airwaves with me!"
A few weeks later I was in the Symposium and Trent an his band
mates were hanging out, I could not resist going up and telling
them how much i liked the song "Dance the Night on the
Airwaves with me" Trent looks at his mate and says "It's
that asshole." Of course everone knows how Trent went on
to greatness as a pie and ear with Nine Inch Nails. And I have
the fond memory of representing for all the punk assholes that
suffered thru the lame synth-pop of the 80's. Next up, my adventures
with Slam Bam Boo.
(Floyd)
|
| |
back
to top |
| |
I
never thought I would write this story, but some friends have
been dogging me to submit it, so here goes. I want to start
by saying that being the singer in a rock band is the closest
a guy can ever get to enjoying the perks of being a hot chick
with big cans. People buy ya shots, bartenders give ya drinks,
strangers turn ya on to dope, getting in clubs free and the
opposite sex notices you. This one covers all that territory,
and is not for the weak of heart. Here goes....
I was hanging out in Tremont after a show at Edison's one summer
night. A night of drinking & drugging, when I ran into a
chick I had seen around. We talked, we drank and one thing led
to another (as the saying goes). I ended up at her place. Having
closed the bar we were completely hammered when the drunken
sex began. I was quite surprised when midway thru the act, she
requested anal sex (well those weren't her exact words), so
anyway, being ever the gentleman, I honored her request. She
directed me to the night stand where she kept the vasaline.
I grabbed the jar, applied the lube and went about the dirty
deed. After some extremely noisy sex, we passed out. The next
morning, as we were getting up and moving, I noticed the jar
of lube on the floor (and guess what?). It wasn't vasaline after
all, but Apricot Facial Scrub. For those who don't know what
that is, it's a gel women use to scrub there face clean (about
the equivalent of wrapping ones dick in sandpaper). Of course
she later dumped me, claiming I was nothing but a pain in her
ass. |
| |
back
to top |
| |
I
only played with the Floyd band on a couple of gigs in 85
(the first two), but Floyd is nice enough to list on this
site. We knew each other because I lived up the hill from
his Columbus St. place in an office building on W.25th St.
a block south of the market and played bass in the Designated
Movers. I got suckered into going to Floyd's place to try
to set his words to music. I was used to improvising punk,
so I came up with a bunch of shit and Floyd was pleased. I
promptly forgot it all, but Floyd asked me to play in the
band he was forming. It was kickass to play with the likes
of Tom Miller, Dave Mallchok and Tim Kelly.
Anyway,
at the time I had just gotten divorced and my lawyer, in addition
to insisting payments of cheap cabernet sauvignon, also said
I needed to have a divorce party. Somehow or another it was
decided that the Floyd band would debut there. We set up in
the front room that had big windows facing downtown. Carloads
of people started arriving after the party was announced on
the radio. It also turned into a birthday party for about
a dozen people or so, I remember. We rocked the fuck out of
the place, got drunk as hell and ...
The
other gig is notable because Floyd brought a piece of sheet
metal and in the middle of the set pulled it out and challenged
the audience to hit him with a beer bottle. Admittedly the
sound of bottles hitting the metal sounded cool, but ..
I
took off for Dallas shortly thereafter and that was the end
of my time in the Floyd band.
Dan Garman
|
| |
back
to top |
| |
Kraig
Williamson here- living in Montreal River Harbor running a lodge
north of Sault Ste Marie. Tom Goodwin is up here and we were
reviewing the website and recalling when we met you at the Undergound
when we were slam dancing and Tom's elbow smashed me in the
nose. we were sitting it out drinking a beer and ran into you-
who believe it or not had actually at one time lived in our
home county Hancock Co. Ohio. thank god the marine's didn't
want to keep you. If you're looking for a Canadian get-a-way,
call 1-705-882-1032. |
| |
back
to top |
| |
Once
upon a time in the 80's there was a bar just south of public
square on Ontario called the London {now a parking lot}. Bands
touring and staying at Stouffer {also no longer there}use
to hang out and drink in the working class bar. One morning
after a night of getting smashed,on my way home I decided
to stop at the London for an eye opener. As I was jaywalking
across Ontario the door to the London flew open into the Gray
Clevo morn out stalked Johnny Rotten. It was during his Peacock
colored dreads period and he was on tour with PIL. Drunk and
giddy with excitement I pointed directly at him and said the
first thing that came to mind, "Johnny Rotten!"
I exclaimed. "It's Lydon." he sneered back at me.
Ever the drunken quick witted guy I then retorted "Johnny
Lydon!" "It's Rotten." he shot back passing
me by as he made his way across Ontario to Stouffers. I guess
the lesson i learned goes; you dont spit in the wind and you
don't try to out smartass Johnny Rotten/Lydon.
Another quickie. FloydBand once opened for Social Distortion
and i briefly got to chat with Mike Ness."Any advice
for an up and coming band? I asked" His reply "Stay
in school" I looked at him incredulously, I was 33 at
the time.
|
| |
|
| |
For
a couple years in the mid 80's I supported myself by driving
a taxi in the winter and running a hotdog stand in the summer.
My stand was located in front of the 666 building on Euclid
Ave. The PC army has since renamed it the 668 buliding.
Anyway, my stand became a bit of a hang-out for assorted
punks and misfits, and because of the nature of the job
I was a captive audience for anyone that wanted to come
up and talk, which wasn't always a good thing.
If anyone remembers a cat named Phil who frequented the
Coventry area as well as downtown. We called him the "face
dude" cuz he would always get up in yer face and talk
real loud, and he generally smelled pretty bad. He was a
well meaning guy, just very annoying.
So one
day he shows up with his boom box a battery pack and his
horribly untuned guitar. He plugs in and starts wailing
away off key as hell. His choice of song to howl in front
of muy hot dog stand? The Dead Boys, "Hey Little Girl
You Were caught with the meat in your mouth."
Good luck Phil where-ever you are.
|
| |
|
| |
Funny
how in retrospect even the bad old days seem like the good
old days i find myself warmly remembering being completely
strapped for cash and heading over to the blood bank on west
25th for some quick beer and money for fliers. Shit, it was
almost like a hangout, on any given day you could run into
guys from Starvation Army, The Offbeats,Squelch, hell Tim
from the Pagans was a regular...
|
| |
back
to top |
| |
I
was playing bass for the Floyd Band, probably the best they
ever had. We were scheduled to play at some guy's party in
an apartment building on Columbus Ave. Coincidentally a place
Floyd and I had both lived in at one time.
It was
to be a rather small affair. We had different ideas. We
got on the phone to the accommodating DJs at WCSB and WRUW
and had them announce it like it was an actual gig. I think
the words free and beer were used. I was an amateur but
accomplished botanist at the time. The place was thick with
smoke as people, most of whom this guy didn't know filed
in. I believe over a hundred people eventually crammed in.
After the party was over the host was looking a little pouty.
I went over to console him.
"C'mon
man, why so glum, you threw a great party. Look at all the
stuff that got broke."
|
| |
back
to top |
|
