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Offbeats
legend Doug Enkler.....where do you begin with favorite stories
about that guy????? I think back to a gig we did with them down
in Columbus. If I remember right (which is quite questionable),
it was a club called Molly Browns. We (the Pink Holes and the
Offbeats) made the 2 hour journey down in a couple of cars and
knew the big payoff was something around 50 bucks a band. The
Offbeats couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 songs into their
set when Doug brandished his guitar as a sledgehammer and took
a high swing at the disco ball which hung lonely above the front
of the stage. He was right on with his aim. It spun, crackled,
spewed some glass and in a moment of defeat, fell to the floor.
It was just a few seconds in time, but it still shines brightly
in my mind....it was a glorious 'punk' versus 'disco' moment.
A small victory for the 'new' sound. When the night had ended,
we tried to collect our cash. The barkeep calmly worked some
figures on a piece of paper and then raised his eyes up to ours,
and stated "ok, you guys owe me 77 dollars. Disco ball costs
200 and you took in 123 at the door". Short arguement, but then
we (the two bands) just covered it. Freddy Pants said fuck it,
it's ours then. I remember it laid in his yard for about 4 years
getting rusty. This tale is the one that always comes to my
mind though when I think about Doug. It has nothing to do with
the band but still cracks me up. I was living on Waterloo right
off E.152nd near Collinwood in the mid 80's. I used to have
a lot of drunken barbecue parties at that site. Everyone and
anyone was welcome. One time the party was just raging and I
climbed the stairs to my bedroom and passed out, oblivious to
the clatter below. I awoke that Sunday morning with a thumping
head and layed in bed wondering what mess awaited me downstairs.
Then my closet door slowly swung open, giving me quite a startle,
and out came Enkler. He had found refuge in about a 3x4 space
and had slept in there. All I remember him saying as he stupored
out was, "morning", like it was a typical day in life. Maybe
it was............in his. (Cheese Borger) |
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Postscript
to Columbus story from Doug - Not that I blame them, but the
Offbeats just left me there, sitting on a stoop in Columbus
Ohio. Luckily once over my "punk triumph" revelation in my head,
a friend happened by, put me up for the night and drove me home
the next night as Squelch had a gig the following nght at Major
Hoopple's.I arerived to find Messrs. Miller, Miller and Wright
armed with our Relativity contract, which I signed on the hood
of Tom's Monza.
(Doug
Enkler) |
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Some more rambling about 'dem Offbeat dudes. Tom
Fallon (Freddy Pants) used to have these 4th of July parties
every year. There was a peak from about 85-89 when they became
incredibly fun and hugely attended. One moment that comes back
to me is a time when it was long past nightfall. I was standing
alongside the one storey house in the driveway with Tom Miller
and Tim Kelly, knocking back some beers, leaning against some
cars. Within view was the majority of the gathering who were
carrying on directly behind the house. Grills still glowed with
the dim light of charcoal and a rear house light also faintly
lit the backyard crowd. Miller drained the last ounce of brew
from his bottle down his throat and very nonchalantly tossed
the empty bottle up upon the peaked roof. In that dim light,
I watched it roll down the slope, gather some momentum, and
kick off the gutter into an airborne arc. As my eyes followed
its downward path, I saw it connect directly and then bounce
off John Petkovics head. I burst into laughter, while Miller
and Tim maintained stoic faces. John glared at me with hatred,
convinced it had been my prank. That started a long time of
tension between us. But it had been such a random moment.....anyone
could have been hit or it could have fallen unnoticed to the
ground. It was just funny in a cartoon way. Another remembrance
from those bashes, and it very well could have been the same
day, was when Doug Enkler had sworn off the booze. I always
admire people when they take on such strong stances cause I
have battled mightily with the bottle my whole life. Anyhow,
Doug had been clean for a few months and was just hanging with
a good attitude. I watched him chatting it up with some friends,
munching slice after slice of watermelon. Then it hit me. The
melon he was inhaling had been vodka spiked hours earlier. I
don't know if that is funny or not, but it stays with me as
another 'offbeat' moment.
(Cheese Borger) |
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This relates
to hitting Cheese with a watermelon rind (which fucking HURTS,
I might add - sorry, Buddy, ya owe me)I don't really recall
his tale, but I do remember tossing dirtclods down onto the
beach one night when somebody played. The odds of actually nailing
Jim Smagola in the head from that distance were slightly wider
than borrowing a quarter from Krane, or getting Cheese to hand
over the last Schlitz at 3 a.m. Lo and fucking behold it happened
- I never saw Jim more pissed and ready to wail (once again,
sorry, pal) and he was a "friend." I played the old bait and
switch - thank god cuz he would've killed me- confusing the
issue between me, Tim Kelly and Krane, who, fortunately were
cackling in disbelief at my dirt clod prowess.
(Enk) |
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You'd have to get
through the Offbeats bio for this to be much of a hoot, but
it sort of stands on it's own as far as Enkler stories go. In
1988, a guy from A&M Records in NYC named Michael Crumper called
and said his boss, a famous A&R guy, was interested in our band
California Speedbag. Obviously we were very impressed and, by
that time, ready to kiss some corporate ass if it meant a real
record deal. While making small talk, he mentioned that he used
to work for Relativity and the subject of the Offbeats came
up. "THE OFFBEATS!!" he said, "do you know those guys?". "Oh,
yeah" I said, hoping to get a little camaraderie going with
some guy from a big time label. "Those guys trashed my apartment
and Enkler made fun of a zit on my face for 2 days!!" he said,
" Fuck those guys, what are they doing now?". I said "Uuhhh,
I think Doug's working in a gas station or something". I lied,
hoping maybe some of the stink wouldn't stick. "That's a good
job for him" said Crumper. When nothing happened, I could always
blame it on Enkler.
(Gary
Lupico)
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Right
before their Album came out they had a record release party
of a pre-album 7". They rented out the basement of "The Lido
Lounge", a strip club in Lakewood. They handed out copies of
the record at the door (which ended up being random 7" records
in the yet unreleased 7" sleeves (and I got a weird look when
I asked for another copy to take to WRUW (before I had really
looked at the first)). The Management of the club really didn't
take a liking to the crowd, or to their lack of spending much
cash at the bar. All it took was someone in the crowd to comment
about the fat owner for him to cancel the show in the middle
of the Offbeats set.
(Anonymous) |
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